Myriads of Memories

My memories and me...

Mirror each other.
Shape each other.
Jostle with each other.
Torture each other.

Memories of many a kind...

Faded memories...
Vibrant memories...
Crumpled memories...
Memories ironed out with delicate diplomacy...
Thorny memories...
Bleeding, fermenting,
Forming puss, septic, gangrene...

Where exactly in our biological machine is memory housed?

The scientists say it's the brain;
The enlightened(?) philosophers say its' the soul;
The melodramatic lovers say it's the heart
that houses this cancerous phantom organ.

Only if I onwed i knife sharp enough
to sever the roots of
every bleak, fermenting, falsifying, testifying
Memories!
Only if I could ruthlessly uproot
this poisonous serpentine creeper
from the tired, arid, bleeding soil of my consciousness!

But till then I will go on carrying the black, white, green, gory, infinite frames from the last three decades...

Faded...
Not-so faded
frames...

Of a thousand faces,
A million betrayals,
The wet warmth of a thousand tearful nights,
And lonely wandering around in the bylanes looking for you...you...and another you...

The first sloppy awkward kiss of a lover;
The perverted greedy incestuous hands all over me;
The first red stains on my parrot green panty announcing aloud the forthcoming social imprisonment...

The dear old school ground now buried under a commercial complex,
The innocent informal friendships gore-i-fied by corporate culture and adult rivalries,

Memories! Like small pox patches!

But do i really want to obliterate all of it from my inner eye?

Memory of one and only night spent on the green grass, under the starlit sky, counting the falling stars with A
in perfect Silence!
Memory of sunlight washing us clean from last night's sloth as G and I sat there smoking cigarette packets empty and bonding over our common eccentricities!
Memory of S not being judgemental but simply laughing over me like mad as I giggled meaninglessly and yapped on some gibberish after gulping down god knows how many pegs of vodka for the first time!

Memory of climbing up to the Nathula pass in spite of severe breathlessness, standing in knee deep snow and looking into a foreign land spread out ahead in myriads of colours, dimensions and the Unknown!
Memory of the first leech, god knows when, crawling up my ankle and sucking my blood silently as I strolled amidst the Northern Hills alone, lost in its beauty!
Memory of nights spend on my couch sipping tea, fagging and courting a million words in spite of sleep, penning my thoughts down that gushed forth like an orgasm, bringing forth my first novel!

Not all fragmented frames are comforting;
Most of them self-destructive; gnawing at the very level of self-awareness;
But not all of them;

My memories and me
Are like a paradox -
Best of friends and foes at the same time;
And I know we will co-exist till Eternity! :)