Sisyphus Speaking!

I am Sisyphus.

I have been toiling from Eternity until Eternity behind Futility.

Hoping for a Finality I fool myself every moment to breathe in the next gulp of oxygen so that I can roll up the boulder an inch higher. In the case of the other Sisyphus, the boulder always and everytime kept rolling back down to the foot of the mountain as soon at he would succeed in pushing it up to the mountain top. In my case, ironically, the mountain top is situated at point Eternity. And I have been successfully fooled into believing that this journey is worth it; it's meaningful; it's worth toiling after.

There are but a very few moments of enlightenment when the truth flashes upon my senses that this journey is merely a liability. It's toilsome, futile, unattainable and yet I have to go on undertaking it. But why, may I ask? Truth is that I 've been put on this highway very much without my permission and against my will. One fine morning I opened my eyes and saw that I was made to stand on this highway and asked to walk on it. Or in other words, I was put on a bus and asked to take a futile journey to Nowhereland. And the bus ride was going to be bumpy and strenuous. Like Jessie Cates (in 'Night Mother) says, "Riding the bus is hot and bumpy and crowded and too noisy and more than anything in the world you want to get off and the only reason in the world you don't get off is it's still fifty blocks from where you're going? Well, I can get off right now if I want to, because even if I ride fifty more years and get off then, it's the same place when I step down it."

I too realise this but at any given point in time I don't call out, stop the bus and get off well ahead of my destination.

Til date I am on the bus, taking the futile bumpy bus ride whose every stop is Nowhereland so it really doesn't matter which Nowhereland stop I got off; yet I don't get off at a previous Nowhereland. I toil and move on towards the next and the next and the next stop and thus unto Eternity... rolling the boulder higher and higher and higher towards point Eternity.

The Myth of Sisyphus lives and continues with me.